


Natasha And The Little Army Of Red Warriors

by CityofFallenAngels



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Funny, Gen, Menstruation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-14 09:06:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13004442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CityofFallenAngels/pseuds/CityofFallenAngels
Summary: Being the only girl in the group has its problems.





	Natasha And The Little Army Of Red Warriors

It was a fine, fine morning in the Stark tower. The skies were blue and the clouds were fluffy white. Thor lumbered into the kitchen, in a very good mood. He spotted Natasha, dressed in a black tee shirt and shorts, standing by the kitchen drawers. 

"Widow of Black! Did you have a good rest?" 

"Thor," Natasha said in a quiet voice without looking at him.

"Uh, yes?" 

"Did you take my hazelnut coffee creamer?"

Thor had a sudden prick of fear and he didn't know why.

"I just asked a simple question." Natasha's head rotated to him, a very sweet smile on her face. Thor was instantly on high alert. Natasha did not smile like that, ever. She continued. "Did. You. Take. My. Coffee. Creamer?

"Uh, I…I might have.…finished the last one."

Her smile grew even bigger. "Were you also the one that finished my last carton last week?"

"Uh….yes."

Thor barely avoided the mug that flew towards him along with the shriek.

"GET OUT!!!"

It crashed into the wall behind.

"I am sorry, Natasha! I did not know you would be so exaggerated-"

This time Thor fled for his life when a kettle came flying over.

* * *

 

_Bruce_

Natasha had taken up to teaching Bruce some sparring skills. He was having his weekly sparring sessions with Natasha. Natasha always kicked ass. Today she seemed extra pent up as she dodged blow after blow from him, giving him advice along the way. As Bruce swung a punch at her, fully expecting her to dodge it, she suddenly doubled over, kneeling on the floor.

Bruce fell to the floor in front of her. "Natasha! Are you alright? Did I hit you?"

The Black Widow's face was pained. "I'm.….I'm fine."

"You don't look well, Natasha."

"I'm fine, Bruce. Really. Come on."

"Maybe we should rest-"

"I said I'm fine!" she snapped. "I'm not a weakling!"

Bruce put his hands up.  "Okay, okay. I never said you were."

"Then let's fight. I won't go easy on you!"

He had no idea how much she meant it.

* * *

_Steve_

Steve was an all mighty good boy. He really was. He was also very strong yet gentle when need be. He was also a sweetheart.

He was lounging in his bedroom in the afternoon, sketching the city skyline when there was a knock on the door. He opened it to find Natasha standing there, dressed in an assymetrical grey dress. 

"What do you think of this dress?"

Steve smiled. "It's a very unique design!"

"…Unique?" Natasha's face suddenly fell. "Is is weird? Do I look fat in it?"

"Uh, no that's not what I meant-"

"Are you trying to say that it's strange? Is it ugly? Do you think _I'm_ ugly?" she growled. 

Steve swore her eyes turned red.

"No! You're a beautiful woman, Natasha!"

Tears started filling Natasha's eyes and she suddenly wailed. "You're just saying it to make me feel better."

Steve freaked out. He had never made a girl cry before! What had he done?

"No, Natasha! You look beautiful! Really! It's a great dress! It's not something I've ever seen before. Don't trust me on my fashion tastes. They are outdated. And you really are a beautiful woman, Natasha."

The wailing suddenly ceased and Natasha turned calm again. She patted Steve's shoulder.

"Thanks Steve I knew that."

And she left the room, leaving Steve utterly confused.

_What?_

* * *

  _Hawkeye_

 

Natasha was sat bent over the coffee table late at night. Everyone was already asleep, maybe except Clint and Tony. She had wanted to talk to Clint but he wasn't in his room. She was annoyed by that. Usually she could talk to her trusty partner about  _anything._ No one knew her as much as he did.

She sat curled into herself, clutching her hurt abdomen. She had tossed and turned the whole night unable to sleep. She let out a noise of frustration. Bruce had eaten one of her cookies and Thor had been playing music the whole night, after discovering hip hop, which he labelled trance music.

It hurt. It hurt so much.

There was a movement in the dark, and then Clint appeared from the ceiling vents, jumping down and landing in front of her. He gave her a smile.

Wordlessly, he placed a carton of chocolates, hazelnut Creamer, Nutella, gingersnap cookies and Advil on the table.

She threw her arms around him and hugged him tight.

"I owe you one. You always know what to do."

"Don't mention it. Shall we watch Transformers?"

"Barbie."

Hawkeye grinned. "Let's."

 

* * *

Hawkeye met the Bruce, Steve and Thor in the kitchen. They all looked pretty strange. 

"What's up?" 

"Clint, do you know what's going on with Natasha? She's been acting very strangely!" Steve said. "Just two nights ago she cried when I said her dress was unique! Today, she asked me how her makeup looked. That question was harder to answer than my entrance exams."

"She threw a kettle at me because I drank her creamer. I deserved it but still!" Thor said.

"She also punched my nose yesterday when I accidentally hit her in her chest." Banner shook his head. It was then Clint realised he had a plaster on his nose. "She's been acting very..un-Natasha like."

"Perhaps some creature has possessed her while we were unaware! Thor suggested.

Clint was trying not to laugh. "Guys. It's not what you think it is. It's the time of the month."

"What time of the month?"

Everyone looked puzzled.

Clint rolled his eyes. "It's Moon Time. Shark week. Aunt Flo." Clint wiggled his fingers to demonstrate.

Everyone stared blankly at him. 

"Oh for goodness sake. She's on her period."

There was a dead silence. Bruce's face cleared.Thor looked like he had just heard an almighty revelation. Steve's face flushed to a beetroot pink. 

"Oh...good golly!"

"It all makes sense now!" Bruce said. 

"No it doesn't." Thor scratched his head. "How does that explain her changed behaviour?"

"It does. She gets very irritable and has a lot of mood swings. She has horrible cramps so it does affect her mood also. Her hormones are a little unsteady. This could last between a week to two weeks."

"Oh," Thor looked enlightened.  "Now that I recall, we have this in Asgardian females as well! Only they are irritable for two month."

Everyone shot him a pitying look.

Clint shrugged. "So, that should explain everything."

"How can we make her feel better?" Bruce asked. He knew the biology of women but he didn't know how to make them feel better when they were in this state.

"Chocolates, cake, cookies, anything sweet really. No matter what, do  _not_ step on her toes."

Steve nodded fervently.  "Understood!"

Bruce squinted his eyes at him. "How are you so enlightened anyway?"

Clint shuddered. "I have three sisters. And I've got plenty of black eyes from experience."

"What did you do?" They all echoed.

"Oh, it wasn't much. I just asked them why they looked so fat and bloated and angry."

 "You deserved it," they all immediately said.

* * *

 

_Tony_

  
Tony strolled in happily into the living room. It was a casual Saturday morning and the entire team was there lounging. Steve was sketching the city skyline, Thor was listening to rock music on his headphones, Banner was reading 1984 and Hawkeye was sharpening his arrows. 

"Hey everyone! Morning!" Everyone exchanged their greetings except Natasha, who sat on the floor being rather quiet. 

"Man, Natasha! Why the long face? You look like you're having PMS!"

Everyone fled out of the room for their dear lives.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment and let me know what you think! It's my first attempt at humour :)


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